literature

The Blackness in the Dark Place

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BalunStormhands's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

I'm trying to hold on.
I'm so cold.
It's so dark.
I'm so tired.
Why should I try to hold on?

I lost who I was
I lost what I did
I lost so much
Who was I anymore?

It's so slippery
It's so dark
It's so cold
I hurt so much
I need help

Why can't I do anything right?
Why do I always do it wrong?
Wasn't I worth something?
To someone?
Anyone?

My fingernails are snapped off.
My toes find no hold.
Can't someone give me a hand?
Why does everyone hurt me?

Doesn't anyone love me anymore?
Mom
Dad
Anyone
God
me

.

I don't just let go
I don't just push off
I don't just shove off
I fling myself into the Darkness
with all my remaining strength

They say there are rocks at the bottom.
I hope they are hard
I hope they are sharp
Because I am swimming with the current
Trying to go fast, faster, fastest

No more caring
No more loving
No more anything
No more pain
Well, one more pain,
that would be enough.
It would be over then.

I see the Blackness
at the center of the Dark Place.
I am falling,
I streamline my body
to reach terminal velocity.

What's this in my pocket?
A gift?
Now?
From Father,
what did He care anymore?
The Blackness is not a plain, but a sphere.

What kind of useless, pathetic, ridiculous, worthless gift is this?
No one cares about a gift like this.
Not my friends
Not my family
Professionals told me I could not possibly have a gift like that.

How tiny the gift is
But it is warm in the coldness of space
But it is just one photon of light in the darkness
But it is mine
Something not yet gone,
Like everything else.

What was the point?
It'll be over soon
The Blackness begins to fill my view below me.
It's my gift
It feels so good

I accept the gift

The gift fills my heart with hope
How many years since I have felt hope?
The light of truth
The warmth of love

The Blackness fills my view
And the Abyss looks back

We scream above the surface of the Blackness
Hope and I
faster and faster
We shout
We yell
We laugh
As we slingshot around the Blackness
As a space probe around the planets

I step out of the Dark Place,
into the Light
It is the same place
But everything is different
Well, I'm different

I find a place to share my gift
I find acceptance
I find new friends
I find new family
I find a new me
Long enough ago
And far enough away
To remember

and maybe worth it
to share
© 2012 - 2024 BalunStormhands
Comments10
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Rapunzel13's avatar
that was deep. So filled with the honest emotions about how it feels to be slipping, to be falling. You wrote this epicly. Thank you for being so amazing!