“Please, stop. Just stop, please.” Elsa wept under her covers looking at her gloved hands, she could feel the ice on the inside of her gloves. It was going everywhere. She could see the light of her powers leaking around the seams and edges of the glove. Right now it felt like a a giant rumbling thunderstorm crashing through her soul.
When she was a kid her powers had been fun, until she had almost killed her sister. Then she had had to start to earn to control it better, to hide it, so she could keep her sister safe.
Elsa didn’t want to hurt Anna, she didn’t want to hurt anyone, but now her powers were so strong they would burst from her hands, shoot across the room and freeze the walls.
Now hiding in her bed in the middle of the night, Elsa felt less in control of her powers than ever. She briefly considered cutting off her hands, but knowing she could also emit magic from her feet, she figured it would probably do no good in helping her control it and definitely would not get rid of it. She knew her powers were deeper then her hands and feet.
Could she be a good queen without hands and feet? Maybe, but Anna deserved a sister that was better then her and making herself that way would just make her a greater burden on her family.
Elsa felt like such a fool, there was no way for her not to hurt someone. She flopped back and her head poked out from under her blanket. Her room was lit up, but not by magic.
The sky was awake. Of course it was. The aurora was like a knife in her chest. Mocking her, reminding her that on a night not so difference from this she almost killed her sister.
Elsa didn’t want to be a bad person, but she didn’t know how not to hurt people anymore. She shuttered to think what a blast of magic like the one she had released would do to a person.
Why did she have powers?
Why did she have powers at all?
She had snuck into the library many times to find some clue as to why she had powers, but there was nothing, that she could understand at least. There was so little understanding of magic. The trolls could do things, like remove her ice magic from Anna and make sky paintings with the aurora. There were fairies far to the South that seemed able to do magic. Then there were the various wizards and fairy godmothers or whatever they call themselves that could seem to do practically anything.
She knew she couldn’t do just anything with her magic, though the things she could do were neat. They seemed limited to snow and ice.
She wondered how they did it. What she read talked about wands. She wondered if the magic was part of the wand and not the person. Even Maleficent seemed to use a staff.
That made her different yet again. Was there no one in the world that could even come close to understanding her? What it was like to be a girl with magic powers?
Anna loved her even if she didn’t have powers like she did. Elsa missed that so much. To just be accepted would be something. Her parents loved her but it wasn’t the same.
That reminded her about something that her father had said, getting upset just made it worse.
He was right about that. He was right about a lot of things.
Somehow maybe she just had to find a way to not to become upset. She wasn’t sure how to do that, but somehow she just had to. Maybe if she never got upset again she’d never hurt anyone.
She reached out and felt around which was difficult with the gloves on, finally finding her doll. The doll of her precious little sister.
“It’s okay Anna. I’m going to get better and I’ll be able to keep you safe from me. I’ll never get upset again.”
Elsa hugged the doll close. She wanted to weep, but knew she shouldn’t let herself get upset, so she didn’t.