“Life is change.”
-Remy, Ratatouille (2007).
If I were to go back to my teenaged self, and tried to tell myself about the future, I doubt I would believe myself. So much has changed, and I have changed so much too.
I wanted to be an astronaut, but while I was never healthy enough to go to space, I did get to work on the Space Shuttle.
There would be life changing events, some that happened to me and others that happened far away but that would change everything. Some of those things were terrible and some wonderful. But when I am honest with myself those things made me me and so I wouldn’t trade them.
But one things I would tell myself younger self would be to go out and do things. Put yourself out there. I had wished so hard for friends, but I never had much in the way of friends when I was young. I found friends later in life because I would do stuff and let people see. One thing I had to learn was, I could not care about what others thought, especially those random people who didn’t really care about me.
By putting myself out there I am in the arena, where the fight is real, but it is also the place to find a tribe, to attract those like ourselves to us like scouts to a campfire.
I wasn’t lonely, I rather like being alone most of the time, lets me have time with my thoughts. I guess that makes me an introvert. I spent a lot of time not really feeling anything though and that was something that just was. I would laugh at jokes, but often I was never excited about anything other than my books. They were a safe place from the world.
One thing I dream of is to be a part of a great team, like the ones we see in books and movies. Like we see in the behind the scenes documentaries that come with movies nowadays. Well, that isn’t entirely true, my wife is the best teammate ever. We have stood together through terrible storms. We can find comfort in each other’s company. That is enough, and more. Together we have made a family and that is more valuable than a movie.
Thank you for being out there.